It’s not a happy day when you realize you’re a hypocrite. That the very thing you’ve held against that person you cut out of your life without a second thought is in fact an innate part of you as well. Takes one to know one, I suppose.
And the thing about that day, that unhappy, painful day, is that you can’t go back. There is no tucking this knowledge back into its blind spot. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Time for the other half to commence.
I start with self-forgiveness. How did I miss this? I don’t know – I just did. That blind spot was as big as a house. But now I see it. Moving on to step two.
Re-evaluation. All those times I thought I was being generous of spirit, I wasn’t. Not really. I was still calculating, measuring, and counting to make sure there was enough for me first. Always me first. I was selfish. I was afraid to give too much.
I didn’t know the truth, which is there’s enough for all of us. Giving too much doesn’t mean I lose anything. We live in an ever-flowing abundance.
And I should have known that. I’ve expounded on abundance before, citing the Agape-driven, new age wisdom I had supposedly learned on my spiritual journey. But I was just talking the talk and not walking the walk. I was tiptoeing around the truth and having it my way underneath the surface.
Time to re-focus my life. There is enough for all of us – enough love, enough acknowledgment, enough money, enough generosity – enough of everything for everyone. And I get to create a space around me that vibrates at that frequency. I get to have the world I want to live in. But it starts with me.
So now I’m anchoring at the center of abundance. I’m going to walk, talk, act, and love from this place of knowing that I have enough to survive. I don’t need to hold on so tightly. I can let go. Life is plentiful! My life is plentiful! People and things around me are plentiful!
This adventure is just beginning. I beg your patience as I try out these new legs. I’ll be shaky for a while, but I can’t use the crutches anymore. I need to learn how to stand up in this new truth as I strive to make it my truth. There is no going back. Onward and upward into the 4th dimension.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
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