Thursday, February 16, 2012

Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt

The day I found out the pilot I developed at CBS hadn’t been picked up, I sighed heavily for the briefest of moments before declaring my firm intent to move on. After all, I had plenty on my writing to do list – new pilot pitches, brushing up my last script, first draft of my graphic novel, typing out my Marblehead novel, etc. I could finally catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in months and blog every day with ease.

So what have I done since that day?

Nearly nothing.

Oh sure, I’ve been trying to work. A few hours here, thirty minutes there – producing worthless drivel. I’ve skipped a ton of days on this blog. And I still haven’t made lunch dates with friends.

Mostly I’ve been staring at the blank page, feeling about as creative as a cement block.

Finally, I could ignore it no more. I was in denial. I *am* in denial. My instinct to be professional and a go-getter had kicked in so that I didn’t have to face any feelings about my pilot not going. And I ended up in this limbo place where no creativity can bloom. Ugh.

So while I thank my spirit for trying to protect me, I’m going to let myself feel sad for a while. Because it’s a bummer that my pilot didn’t go. Yes, it was a wonderful opportunity for which I have incredible gratitude, but it’s over now. Just like theater actors have post-show blues when a show closes, I’m letting myself have post-pilot blues.


Anyone have any Ben & Jerry’s?


  1. I know exactly how you feel and all you can do it just feel it for now. When I was younger it was nearly impossible to get a record deal (as a female doing hard rock) at the time. Then you'd get a small one and if it didn't got dropped. It happened to me twice. "medicine" was hot cinnamon rolls.

    Hoping your "blues" change color soon!

    1. Thanks Anonymous! The music industry is definitely one filled with ups and downs. Good for you for pushing through it!

  2. Hey, you did have a lunch meeting with Josh!

  3. A wise person wrote:

    Disappointment is part of the game and if I can't roll with that, I might as well make spreadsheets in a cubicle for the rest of my life.

    I wonder who that was...