Monday, June 16, 2014

My Inevitable Creativity Temper Tantrum

No.

Frickin' no!

I am wholly uninterested in being creative today, and that is that.

Context -- I have been laser-focused on my latest pilot script since last fall. When that was done, I face-planted right into a spec script for writing program applications. I submitted my last application on Friday night.

When I flipped through my notebook just now, I saw it was filled with pen strokes wrought with stress and panic from the last nine months straight. Pages and pages of words solving story problems, lists of stakes, wants, and character flaws, and beating out everything in my freaked out mind.

And now that it's time to tackle the next items on my "Want To Do" list, I'm feeling ridiculously, overwhelmingly burned out. Like all the pens I've used up in the last year, I feel out of ink. Dried up. Physically, emotionally, creatively, and energetically spent.

And ready for a rant --

Why did I pick this damn career?! Why did a creative life choose me?! Why can't I be one of those people who only has one job?! (Seriously, those people exist - people who go to work, then come home and do whatever they want! They cook dinner and binge watch Netflix and surf Pinterest! I bet they even get to the gym! UNREAL!!)

The answer to all of those questions, of course, is because this is who I am. As much as I'd love to be one of those people, I know I'm not. I am a creative/analytical person with a thirst for life and a passion for expression that dwarfs my physical size. I have so much to say that I trip over myself trying to get it out. I do this to myself.

And I supposed being that person means I'm naturally going to have these moments when I rebel against my own expectations. A sure sign I need to take a break and go easy on myself before I drive myself insane.

Long story short - I'm returning to this blog for comfort. Sharing my crazy-packed days makes me feel a little less alone in my head. Get ready for more posts - I have much to get out...
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6 comments:

  1. blahJune 16, 2014 at 8:12 PM

    i hear ya! every creative mind has one of those days/weeks/months. whenever i start going towards that downward spiral, i have to step back and ask myself, "why do you what you do?" answer: because i love it. because nothing gives me more joy than bringing my ideas to life (well…maybe except for a shake shack burger). because i was given a unique voice that i want to share. it gets exhausting because the list NEVER ends. you're ALWAYS going to have ideas. but once you accept that and can answer the question of why, then your creativity temper tantrums start to go away. trust me; you're not alone. keep on truckin!

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    1. Teresa HuangJune 16, 2014 at 8:42 PM

      You are so right - I *do* love it. And I have to remember how lucky I am to get to do it. Gratitude heals everything - phew! :)

      Thanks Monique!

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  2. Nicole J. ButlerJune 16, 2014 at 9:25 PM

    I share your pain & Monique hit it right on the head - we are privileged, but that doesn't mean it's a cake walk. Sometimes I have to take a break to recharge and be "normal" for awhile, until the creative impulse comes back... And it always does, because that's how we artists are built! :)

    Be still.

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    1. Teresa HuangJune 17, 2014 at 8:52 PM

      Thanks Nicole! Being "normal" is nice every once in a while. :)

      And congrats on "Castle" - I knew you were going to book that part - and you rocked it! :)

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  3. UnknownJune 17, 2014 at 11:28 AM

    Loved it! I thought I was the only one who wanted to be like those people! Thanks for shearing!

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    1. Teresa HuangJune 17, 2014 at 8:52 PM

      I want to be like those people except for the going to the gym part! :)

      Delete

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