Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt

The day I found out the pilot I developed at CBS hadn’t been picked up, I sighed heavily for the briefest of moments before declaring my firm intent to move on. After all, I had plenty on my writing to do list – new pilot pitches, brushing up my last script, first draft of my graphic novel, typing out my Marblehead novel, etc. I could finally catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in months and blog every day with ease.

So what have I done since that day?

Nearly nothing.

Oh sure, I’ve been trying to work. A few hours here, thirty minutes there – producing worthless drivel. I’ve skipped a ton of days on this blog. And I still haven’t made lunch dates with friends.

Mostly I’ve been staring at the blank page, feeling about as creative as a cement block.

Finally, I could ignore it no more. I was in denial. I *am* in denial. My instinct to be professional and a go-getter had kicked in so that I didn’t have to face any feelings about my pilot not going. And I ended up in this limbo place where no creativity can bloom. Ugh.

So while I thank my spirit for trying to protect me, I’m going to let myself feel sad for a while. Because it’s a bummer that my pilot didn’t go. Yes, it was a wonderful opportunity for which I have incredible gratitude, but it’s over now. Just like theater actors have post-show blues when a show closes, I’m letting myself have post-pilot blues.

Sigh...

Anyone have any Ben & Jerry’s?